The Most Overrated Play of All Time
Many of you will be familiar with the play Love Letters by A.R. Gurney. Since its emergence from the primordial ooze in the late 1980s, it’s become a staple for repertory companies, charity affairs, and former sitcom stars who don’t like to work too hard but still crave attention.
Love Letters is the theatrical equivalent of toddler tee-ball. It’s basically little more than a table read needing minimal rehearsal, and the actors don’t even need to memorize the script. The two leads, playing archetypal WASPs Melissa Gardner and Andrew Makepeace Ladd III, are literally sitting onstage for the entire play reading the script from a table, or if the director really wants to go crazy, two desks. It’s a boring play about boring people, and its only virtue is that it costs about $75 to stage (not including the actors’ fees, which they’ll be obliged to waive if it’s for charity).
The plot involves Andy and Melissa writing to each other over a 50-year period, taking them from childhood to late middle age. Spoiler alert: They never become an actual couple, but kind of regret it in the end! The two-hander has been performed by many real-life couples (Charlton Heston and Lydia Clarke; Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson; Robert Wagner and Jill St. John, to name just three) as well as sitcom-linked couples (Larry Hagman performed with both Barbara Eden and Linda Gray). Other performers have included Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal, Larry Storch (unfortunately not paired with Ruth Buzzi), Governor and Mrs. Jack Markell of Delaware, Alan Alda, Carol Burnett, Candice Bergen, Tab Hunter, Liza Minnelli, Robert Reed…well, you get the idea. Party game: Pick your ideal couple to perform Love Letters. I can’t choose just one, so here goes: Eminem and Billie Eilish; Hepburn and Tracy; Bogart and Bacall; Leo DiCaprio and Drew Barrymore; RuPaul (in drag, of course) and John Waters. But I keep coming back to Larry Storch and Ruth Buzzi.
How about the worst choices? (Lucille Ball and Milton Berle, anyone?)
Here’s an idea for a reality show: Have a camera crew go onto a random street in any city and recruit two random strangers to perform Love Letters cold, without rehearsal. Put them on a stage in front of an audience, plant them at a desk and have them read the damn play. Odds are they’d do tolerably well.
As A.R. Gurney once told an interviewer, “I’m old enough to know what I can’t do. I can’t play golf. I can’t write like David Mamet.”
One thing is for sure: A.R. Gurney is annoying, and his fucking play sucks.
