I’m Sorry for Our Loss

I feel like I should apologize for being such a downer lately, but sometimes it can’t be helped. Earlier this month my sister-in-law Andrea (the older sister of my late wife Donna) died after a relatively brief but vicious battle with cancer. It was crushing. Andrea was a lovely woman on the verge of retirement, smart, caring and multitalented, who should have had many more years ahead of her to enjoy her life after decades of hard and mostly unrewarding work. She was also a close friend of mine and a devoted aunt to my sons, and eventually became something like a surrogate sister to me after Donna’s death in 2016.

A mutual friend of ours posted her photo on Facebook the other day, and after reading many versions of “I’m sorry for your loss” in reply I posted the only thing I could:

“I’m deeply sorry for our loss.”

Our loss. Not your loss, not my loss.

Our loss.

It strikes me that whenever a beloved member of the human family dies — whether famous, or just someone with a wide circle of friends — that “I’m sorry for our loss” is the most appropriate thing one could possibly say. It acknowledges our mutual dependence, social nature, and appreciation of each other in an economical and all-encompassing way. Five little words.

I wouldn’t mind hearing that phrase, when appropriate, used more often.